The Water's Fine by katef, illustrated by PattRose

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Major Crimes Unit bullpen:

Jim pushed open the bullpen doors and headed towards his desk, a pre-occupied expression on his handsome face. He ran a finger around the inside of his shirt collar in an absent-minded effort to loosen the irritatingly restricting garment which threatened to chafe the sensitive skin of his neck. He had just returned from a morning spent at court, and was dressed accordingly, in a well-cut formal suit, dress shirt and tie. Although he wore the garments with the unconscious ease of the moneyed classes, and was oblivious of the admiring glances his impressive figure inevitably drew, he would have preferred to be more comfortable in his more usual, relaxed attire, especially as he didn’t have the benefit of his Guide’s presence right now to ground his senses and help him to ease the discomfort of the itchy collar.

He was distracted in his progress across the bullpen by a friendly greeting and question from Megan, who addressed him in her usual forthright manner.

“Hey, Jimbo! Don’t you scrub up well, mate! I nearly didn’t recognise you. Where’s Sandy? He having a morning at the U?”

Crossing over to his colleague’s desk, Jim grinned a little ruefully down at the attractive brunette. He had grown unexpectedly fond of the Aussie Inspector –; probably due to Blair’s influence on the pair of them –; and was no longer as quick to react negatively to her frequently abrasive comments. He recognised she was a great cop, and a good person underneath the bravado, and he was glad that she had decided to stay in the US now that her term as an exchange officer had expired.

“Hey, Connor. Yeah, Blair’s taking advantage of my being in court to grab a few extra hours at Rainier. He’s pretty much finished his papers for his Master’s in Forensic Anthropology and Criminology, and just wanted to go over them one last time before submitting them.

“If he gets them –; and there’s no reason why he shouldn’t –; he’ll have three Masters Degrees under his belt. Not too shabby for someone who’s only twenty three, huh?”

“Blimey, you’re right, Jimbo. Three MAs! Oh my word! And considering how many interruptions and set-backs the poor little fella’s had over the past couple of years, it’s an amazing feat.”

However, seeing the effect her words had on Jim, she back-tracked quickly, upset that she’d obviously hurt the other man.

“Bloody hell, Jim, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it like that. Not getting at you or anything, love. I know it’s been hard for you too, so take no notice of me. You know me. Opening my mouth before my brain gets into gear,” and she reached over to squeeze his forearm comfortingly.

Accepting her apology, and knowing that he was being over-sensitive, Jim grinned again, albeit somewhat sadly.

“It’s OK, Megan. I know you didn’t mean any harm. It’s just that you’re right, and Blair has had far too much to deal with in too short a period of time. The fact that he continues to function at all sometimes gives me pause for thought, and it amazes me how he can fit so much into each day. On the other hand, I have to admit that it worries me. He’s like the energiser bunny on speed.

“But if I were to ask him to slow down, he’d probably take it as a criticism, and only work harder to please me. It’s something I’m working on, but I can’t for the life of me think of a way to convince him otherwise.”

“I understand, Jimbo, and if it’s any consolation, we all sympathise and have agreed to try not to impose on Sandy’s good nature while he’s here and pile more work into his willing hands!

“Anyway,” she continued briskly. “How did it go this morning? It was the Malone case wasn’t it? Did you put the bugger away?”

Smiling more easily at the change of subject, Jim replied, “Yep! He’s going down for a long stretch, so he won’t be pimping underage kids any more. In fact, knowing how the other inmates in Starkville feel about child abuse, if he ever sets foot in General Population, he won’t last long.

“And it couldn’t happen to a nicer guy,” he added in grim satisfaction, his disgust at the criminal low-life plain to see in his suddenly harsh expression.

Gazing speculatively at her colleague, Megan tipped her head on one side as she considered his steely-eyed but triumphant glare.

“Good on you, Jimbo. The Sentinel strikes again –; along with his faithful companion,” she added, without a hint of sarcasm.

“And talking of the faithful companion, is Sandy coming in this afternoon?”

Relaxing again, Jim smiled happily this time. “Yeah. He’ll be here in an hour or so, then we’re going for lunch, so you and Rhonda can spoil him rotten again once we’re back.”

“No worries mate! Looking forward to it!” and Megan winked cheekily at him before turning back to her work.

Reaching his desk, Jim sat down, finally giving in and loosening his tie and unbuttoning the top button of the hated shirt collar. He shrugged out of his suit coat and hung it carefully over the back of his chair before pulling the first of several files newly arrived in his in-tray towards him. But although he appeared to be studying it intently, he allowed his mind to wander for a while as he contemplated recent developments in his life with his beloved Guide. A life which, although apparently successful and eminently satisfactory in the eyes of the world in general, had developed barely-acknowledged undercurrents which were beginning to trouble him greatly.

*

It was September already, and the second anniversary of their bonding was rapidly approaching. Jim desperately wanted to have some sort of celebration to show Blair how much he was loved, particularly as their first anniversary had been a disaster. He cringed internally as he thought back to the previous October, when he had fallen in thrall to wannabe guide, Detective Tonya Richardson. He knew that the devious and manipulative bitch had used an illicit drug to tie him to her, and his head –; and everyone else, including Blair –; told him that it wasn’t his fault. But in his heart he still couldn’t forgive himself for allowing it to happen, particularly in the light of the terrible damage it wreaked on his true Guide. A young man who had already suffered too much in his short life, and who didn’t deserve the extra pain.

Effectively abandoned by his Sentinel, Blair had been left vulnerable and open to attack from another rogue Sentinel, who had tried to force a bond with him. He had been beaten and traumatised to such an extent that he had been forced to withdraw into his own mind in order to protect himself from her. And once released, when he had finally emerged from several weeks of self-induced amnesia, he had been almost as anxious and shaky as he had been when Jim had first rescued him from Galbini’s clutches.

Yes, they had reaffirmed their bond, and Blair had gradually recovered much of his former trust in Jim, but the Sentinel knew that his Guide’s smiles and words of reassurance were just a little too brittle and overly vehement, the young man trying too hard to convince his Sentinel that all was well. And there was an edge of desperation to Blair’s enthusiastic responses during bonding and love-making that pierced Jim’s heart.

Not only that, but it had taken several more weeks until Blair felt confident enough to leave Jim’s side for long enough to return to Rainier. On his first day back just after the Christmas break, he had nearly had a full-scale panic attack the moment he set foot in his small office. He had been so frightened that Jim had felt his terror through their link and had rushed back to comfort and console him, which in its turn had caused his Guide no little embarrassment and shame despite his obvious gratitude. After that, Blair had forced himself to resume his private tutoring sessions and Research Assistant’s duties again, but the effort involved was painful for Jim to witness.

On the plus side, Dr Eli Stoddard, Blair’s employer and mentor, had returned early from his extended expedition to Borneo, and his presence and support had helped Blair enormously. Blair had thrown himself back into doing both Eli’s work and his own studies such that he had made up the lost ground in record time. Eli was more than satisfied with Blair’s output on his behalf, and was well impressed with the progress the young man had made on his own papers.

However, again the effort had taken its toll on the young man, and his life had become even more frenetic as he had no intention of neglecting his Sentinel either. Jim knew he had no cause for complaint when it came to Blair’s dedication to duty as Guide and lover, but he could and did worry that Blair was pushing himself to breaking point.

There was also additional pressure in that, as an Alpha Guide and partner to Cascade’s Alpha Sentinel, Blair had responsibilities to the Sentinel / Guide Department and to the other members of the unofficial ‘Cascade Clan’, many of whom were in the PD. And, of course, Blair being Blair, it wouldn’t have occurred to him to try to delegate any of said responsibilities onto other shoulders, however willing.

And worst of all as far as Jim was concerned, was that whereas before the Richardson incident they had been growing closer during bonding, with Blair gradually becoming bolder in his ‘reading’ of Jim’s inner thoughts, now he was once again nervous and unwilling to pry where he imagined he wasn’t welcome. Not only that, but he had begun to deliberately block off a good portion of his own thoughts and feelings, believing that it wasn’t fair to inflict his personal demons on Jim. He was convinced that the Sentinel had enough on his plate without having to constantly comfort and reassure a damaged Guide, and nothing Jim had said or done so far had persuaded him otherwise.

Jim’s greatest fear was that one day soon Blair was going to crack under the strain of trying to juggle so many balls both in terms of work obligations and mental stress, and all Jim could do was hope and pray that he would be up to the task of putting his Guide back together again once that happened.

*

Suddenly he was roused from his contemplation by the distant sounds of his Guide’s arrival at the PD. Cocking his head in a ‘listening’ pose, he tracked the young man’s progress up from the parking garage, relieved that he sounded no more stressed than had become the norm of late. Then again, Jim was well aware that, although Blair sounded happy enough as he chatted to several people on his way, to sentinel ears his laughter was just that little bit too forced, and Jim knew that when he entered the bullpen, the young man’s eyes and smile would be just that bit too bright. If nothing else, the empath was adept at obfuscation when he was trying to avoid worrying others, and his acting ability was approaching virtuoso standards.

Sure enough, when Blair breezed through the doorway, his eyes alighted immediately on Jim, and the flicker deep within the beautiful blue depths told Jim that Blair knew he’d been made. Jim could also detect the faintest hint of fear in his Guide’s enticing scent, and yet another tiny but sharp splinter of pain stabbed his heart.

Nevertheless, Jim was only too glad to receive an armful of Guide as Blair approached swiftly, arms outstretched to reciprocate as Jim hugged the smaller body to him. He felt the immediate relaxation of tense muscles as Blair melted against him in relief, and opened their link to offer comfort and support which was gratefully received by his Guide, at least for a short while. All too soon, however, Blair pulled back a little, his eyes telegraphing an apology which Jim didn’t want or need.

“Hey, kiddo, everything OK?” Jim’s query was gentle but sincere as he met Blair’s slightly anxious gaze. “The court case is a wrap,” he continued, “so we can grab some lunch and relax a bit before tackling these new case files. Where would you like to go?”

“Um, I don’t mind, Jim,” Blair replied immediately. “Anywhere you want –; except Wonderburger, that is!” he added with a brave attempt at cheerful banter. It was a pity that Jim could tell how contrived the good humour was, although there was no way he would make anything of it and cause his lover unnecessary discomfort.

Instead he simply offered Blair a reassuring grin and answered playfully, “Aww, Chief, and here I was looking forward to some grease and saturated fat! You’re no fun at all!”

And then he could have cursed aloud when the innocent comment completely backfired on him and Blair took it the wrong way. For a moment the young man’s expression was stricken before he swallowed hard and muttered contritely, “I’m sorry, Jim. I didn’t mean to criticise your choice. If you want to go to Wonderburger, that’s OK by me.”

Nonplussed for a few seconds, Jim shook himself, then reached for his suit coat. Quickly pulling it on, he wrapped an arm around Blair’s shoulders, ushering him gently back out into the corridor. He needed to defuse the unwanted tension and misunderstanding, but the middle of the bullpen was no place in which to do it.

“Come on, Junior,” he murmured encouragingly. “Let’s find somewhere we both approve of, want to?” and he guided his unresisting partner towards the elevators, unaware of the troubled gazes of several of their friends and colleagues which tracked their departure.

*

Earlier that morning: Blair’s office, Rainier University:

“There you go, my dear. One cup of hot chocolate! Take five, Blair. You’ve been hard at it all morning!”

Janice, Eli’s long-time secretary and a particular champion of Blair’s, placed the mug on her friend’s desk within easy reach before patting him gently on the shoulder. Although her smile was wide and affable, there was a hint of worry in her kind eyes as she met Blair’s gaze.

As usual, his expression was one of sincere gratitude and affection, and he offered her a stunning smile as he thanked her for the beverage, but she was sad to see that - also as usual - there was that tiny trace of surprise and disbelief that anyone could think him worthy of doing him any such favours.

Gods, but how she wished she could do something about the young man’s chronic lack of self-esteem. Then again, she supposed that only his Sentinel had the power to do that, and so far the miracle had yet to happen. Nevertheless, she lived in hope, because there was no one in her opinion who deserved comfort and support as much as Blair did.

Patting his shoulder once again, she turned and left Blair’s tiny office, unaware of the slight sheen of tears in Blair’s eyes as the young man’s gaze tracked her exit.

Swallowing hard against the lump of emotion in his throat, Blair reached for the mug, a slightly perplexed frown creasing his brow. Every day small kindnesses like this cheered him greatly, and every day he wondered why his generous friends should bother with him. But he was enormously grateful all the same, and would cherish such moments against future barren patches which he was certain would come soon enough.

Especially if he couldn’t get over his overwhelming fear of inadequacy and its associated dread of being finally rejected by his long-suffering Sentinel.

Alone in his office, and free from the need to put up any sort of public front, Blair allowed his shoulders to droop despondently even as he sipped his hot drink. He admitted to himself that he was exhausted, but there was no help for it. There were people who depended on him, and so many others who had been so good to him for whatever reason, that there was no way he could let them down, especially Jim. He truly believed that he constantly needed to prove that he was worthy of that generosity, and taking personal time out just didn’t factor into the equation.

But goddess, he was so tired. He would have loved to just curl up in the ratty but comfortable old armchair in the corner of his tiny office and sleep for a few hours, but it couldn’t happen. He had promised Jim that he would join him for a late lunch providing his lover had finished with his court appearance, and he had a few more of Eli’s notes to type up before he left Rainier for the day.

Giving himself a shake and scolding himself roundly for his pathetic pity party, he put down his empty mug and pulled the pile of notes towards him, ready to start again.

*

Some short while later the notes were collated and typed up, and Blair saved and closed his file before glancing at his watch. It was almost time for him to leave if he was to make it to the PD punctually, and as he knew that Jim hated it when he was late for any reason, he decided he might as well set out right away. He knew the main cause for Jim’s preoccupation with timekeeping was based on his fear for his Guide’s safety, especially since Blair’s abduction by the rogue sentinel, Alex Barnes, so Blair did his best to refrain from worrying Jim unnecessarily. He considered that he was already too much of a burden on his Sentinel without causing more problems, and the creeping disease of Blair’s insecurity resolutely refused to be completely ignored and locked away in some dark compartment of Blair’s psyche.

As he gathered his things together, carefully packing away his cherished laptop in his backpack, Blair told himself firmly that Jim wasn’t to blame for his Guide’s constantly hovering fear of succumbing to a full-blown crisis of confidence. Jim told him time and time again that he was loved and wanted, particularly during bonding, and every time he did so, Blair believed him. At least, he did at the time.

But when he was alone with his thoughts, he couldn’t quite trust his own judgement, or, in fact, in Jim’s own declarations of devotion ever since Tonya Richardson came on the scene.

He knew very well - and accepted the fact - that Jim wasn’t to blame for the evil woman’s machinations. His Sentinel had only been tempted to stray through the effects of powerful illegal drugs, and Blair was sure that under normal circumstances their bond was too strong to be broken. But what if there were other similar abnormal circumstances and situations awaiting them somewhere down the line? Would Jim be strong enough to resist, and would Blair have the strength to fight back, because the goddess knew he hadn’t been able to make much of a job of it the last time, allowing himself to be pushed aside and side-lined when he should have been up in Jim’s face, demanding to be heard.

The persistently turbulent thoughts and the accompanying anxiety were giving him a headache, so he forcibly turned his mind instead to the content of the notes he had just typed up. They were of particular interest to him, as they were concerned with the indigenous Sentinel and Guide pair with whom Eli had been fortunate to interact and study, and as he made his way out to his car, Blair wistfully considered what Eli had surmised.

On the short drive back to the PD, although he concentrated automatically on the road and the traffic, Blair replayed his most recent conversation with Eli concerning the phenomenon of the native pair’s bond.

*

Sitting together in Eli’s impressive office only a couple of days ago, the older man had leaned forward eagerly, his elbows resting on the chair arms and hands clasped in his lap. Fixing his young protégé with a bright and compelling gaze, he began, “You see, dear boy, as I stressed in my notes –; which you’ll soon have the pleasure of typing up - I’ve never seen anything like it before. Certainly not in our so-called ‘civilised’ society anyway. We might well have strong bonds in some of our more gifted Sentinel and Guide pairs –; take your bond with Jim as a prime example –; but I have to say that nothing I’ve seen before compares to the depth of understanding enjoyed by this pair. It would be anathema to them to have the sort of platonic bond some of our pairs are happy to maintain. In fact, I suspect that they, and their people, wouldn’t consider such an arrangement to constitute a bond at all! Just a convenient alliance between compatible friends and warriors with perhaps a touch more depth and empathy than the average working partnership.

“No, it seemed to me that those two were so completely in tune, they were almost as one in every sense of the word. The tribal shaman maintained that they were two halves of one soul, bound for life, and if one were to die, the other would follow shortly afterwards. I admit that seems very harsh to me as a mundane. I mean, at least in our society a bereaved partner doesn’t have to die also, even if his or her life is dependent on medication thereafter.

“Now, I can see the questions in your eyes, Blair. What are your thoughts on what I’ve described so far?”

“Um, well, I have to say I’m intrigued by the concept of total merging. I mean, Jim and I, well, um, we seem to achieve that during bonding,” and here Blair blushed from neck to hairline at the thought of the full sexual bond Jim and he enjoyed.

“But what makes the native pair’s bond so much stronger? I mean, I assume it would be the full sexual bond, but there must be something else, surely? Something extra that drives them and dispels any and all inhibitions?”

Eli had contemplated his young assistant for a long moment, head on one side as he considered his next words.

“Well, dear boy, as far as I could make out, and from what I was privileged to observe, there is some form of ritual involved. On occasion, the pair commit to each other in front of the whole tribe. Nothing overtly physical,” he added quickly, seeing Blair’s face blanch at the thought, “but more like an exchanging and re-affirming of vows in front of witnesses. I can’t explain it better than that, I’m afraid. It’s just that it appeared to me that they were the stronger for it, and the whole tribe obviously approved.”

Looking thoughtful, Blair’s tone was soft and a little tentative as he had answered.

“Perhaps it’s a bit like a marriage contract. I mean, in our society, plenty of people live together and say they don’t need the extra hassle and paperwork. But plenty of couples marry because they want the ceremony and the extra security they believe that the contract gives them. Perhaps the native pair thinks that way?

“Then again, we have a pretty high divorce rate also, so apparently the marriage contract doesn’t count for much to everyone...” and his voice tailed off as he frowned in consternation, disheartened that his train of thought apparently led nowhere.

But Eli was having none of it. “You know, Blair, you could be on the right track! In one sense anyway. Think of it this way. Yes, Western views regarding marriage are much more fluid now, and frequent divorce is an unfortunate fact of life. But to the indigenous people I encountered, it’s still very much a permanent and binding contract. It’s a matter of perspective, you see? Just because we so-called ‘civilised’ folks are so much more blasé and cynical about the whole concept doesn’t mean that they think the same way. It’s a matter of belief in both the contract and each other. If one believes in something that completely, it gives one the confidence to open one’s mind to the fullest extent, and how much more would that entail in the case of a Sentinel / Guide bond? The power of the mind, dear boy! The power of the mind!

“Well, that’s my take on it anyway, dear boy, fanciful as it may seem coming from one such as me. I can see that you’re not convinced, but give it some thought, hey? If this old cynic can believe in the possibility, so could you!” and he had chuckled then, obviously pleased to elicit an answering grin from Blair, even if it was somewhat rueful.

*

Pulling into the PD’s underground parking lot, Blair realised that he was actually envious of Eli’s native pair. He would give anything for that kind of unquestioning commitment. To experience a total and all-encompassing knowledge of each other at every level without fear or shame. And he wouldn’t even care –; in fact, would actively embrace –; the possibility that one literally couldn’t live without the other. As far as he was concerned, a life without Jim was inconceivable. But he had no idea as to whether Jim would feel the same. He suspected not, even though he was sure Jim would miss him. Until such time as he could find and bond with another –; probably more suitable –; partner, anyway.

And on the other hand, he wouldn’t like to think of Jim dying prematurely should Blair predecease his Sentinel, so perhaps he was wrong to have such thoughts.

Besides which, when Blair had mentioned the topic briefly just a couple of nights ago, Jim had hugged him and said, “Nah, babe, I don’t think so! I think that Eli’s an incurable romantic behind that scientific exterior, at least where Sentinels and Guides are concerned. I can’t see that any bond could be stronger than what we already have, lover. Call me an unimaginative sceptic if you like, but I think this notion of a ‘binding of souls’ on a spiritual plane is well over the top!” and he had proceeded to make love to Blair so ardently that any further thoughts about Eli’s theories had been driven from the young Guide’s mind.

They were back full force now, however, and as Blair locked up his car and walked over to the elevator, he pondered sadly on the fact that modern Western society had become way too materialistic and closed-minded on so many levels now. Perhaps the indigenous, pre-industrialised tribes had the right of it, being less influenced by formal convention and more open and able to embrace the spiritual as much as the physical.

Yes, he did envy their open-mindedness and their perception of the quality of life in the widest sense of the word, but he told himself that he should be grateful for what he had. He was so lucky in so many ways; it was greedy and selfish to want more. And on that thought he entered the elevator car, immediately turning his attention to the two young uniformed cops who shared it with him, chatting cheerfully and inconsequentially until he reached his floor.

On exiting the car, he took a moment to calm himself, assuming a relaxed and carefree demeanour before approaching the bullpen, wanting above all to reassure Jim that he was OK. He therefore pasted on a wide smile and pushed open the door.

And knew immediately that Jim wasn’t fooled at all.

*

Shortly afterwards, Barney’s Bar:

Seated in a quiet booth at the back of the popular bar situated only a block or two from the PD, Jim took a swig of his soda and fixed his Guide with a direct but sympathetic gaze.

“OK, kiddo. Just relax, baby, and tell me what’s bothering you. And no obfuscations, OK? I want to help, lover, and I can’t do that if you’re shutting your deepest feelings off.

“I understand that you don’t want to ‘bother me’, but how often do I have to reiterate that I want to be bothered? I want to understand, and I want to be there for you in every sense of the word!

“Talk to me, Blair. Link with me! You need me and my support, babe, and I want to provide it.

“And I need you, my Guide. And I need you happy, healthy and whole.”

Biting his lip, Blair ducked his head in shame. This was the last thing he needed –; a demand, however gentle –; to reveal his innermost fears. What could he say? If he lied, Jim would know right away, but if he were to pour out his deepest fears, how disgusted would his Sentinel be to hear such weak-kneed drivel? They had worked hard for nearly two years now to build an unbreakable bond between them, so who was he to question the validity of that bond? Especially on the basis of Eli’s fanciful theories surrounding a tribal pairing thousands of miles away from their own reality.

But he had to come up with something. He had to speak out so as not to offend Jim, who was trying so hard to be so patient.

Taking a deep, calming breath, he raised his head and met Jim’s quizzical gaze.

“I’m so sorry, Jim. So sorry that I’m even more of a head-case now –; and a disappointment to you for sure. I’m trying, my Sentinel, truly I am! I had hoped that by now I would have gotten my act together and been everything you want and need me to be.

“But it’s so hard, and I’m at a loss as to what to do next! I’m so tired, Jim. I hate to admit it, but it’s true. And I’m sure you’ve already realised that anyway.

“Please, Jim! Please give me another chance! I want to be what you need. I will be, I promise! There’s nothing I want more, I swear! I’ve just got to work harder at figuring it out for myself.”

“Oh Blair, Blair!” Jim’s response was uttered in a tone that was part hurt and part exasperation. Reaching out to grasp his Guide’s hand and squeeze it supportively, he continued, “Look, Chief, there’s so much I want you to know about how I feel about you. So much you’d already know if you weren’t so shy about reading me during bonding.

“This anxiety –; this diffidence on your part –; should have been kicked into touch months ago.

“I’m sorry, truly sorry, about how I treated you over the Richardson debacle, but surely you realise that it was an aberration? Don’t you?” this last query uttered in an almost plaintive tone.

As always, Blair was quick to reassure Jim, as he hated to witness any sign of distress in his Sentinel and lover, especially if he himself was the cause. Having said that, by now Jim was wise to him, and could discern the uncertainty lurking behind his Guide’s fervent response. “Of course I know that, Jim! It wasn’t your fault! I’ve told you that time and time again, just like everyone else has! What do I have to do to convince you that I believe you?”

“How about ‘fessing up to your deepest fears, baby?” Jim murmured quietly but firmly. “I’ve felt you shutting yourself off from me when we’re bonding, just as you’re refusing to push into my mind any further than you think I want you to go. Where’s the trust we once shared, lover? It might not have been 100%, but it was getting there.

“And now we’re virtually tippy-toeing around each other’s minds instead of trying for a whole-hearted joining. Why is that, Blair? And what are we going to do about it? Because I love you more than life, my Guide, and I need to be able to prove it to you!”

Slow tears began to slide unwanted down Blair’s pale cheeks as he fought to formulate an acceptable response.

“I…I don’t know, Jim. Perhaps there’s nothing more we can do, although I pray that’s not the case. Just please, please believe me when I say I also love you more than life itself, and I swear I’ll keep trying to do my best by you. I’m here for you alone, and that’s how it’ll always be, for as long as you need me.”

“Well, that’ll be for ever and always, babe, so it looks like we’re just going to have to get through this rough patch as best we may.

“And now, my Guide, I want to see you eat something! Sentinel here, and I can tell you’re hungry, even if you won’t admit it!

“So, what’s your pleasure, Chief? Whatever you fancy is yours, so just tell me what you want.”

And there was no way Blair could refuse his lover’s firm but undeniably caring command.

*

The rest of the afternoon passed uneventfully, with Jim studying a couple of new case files and Blair willingly catching up with his partner’s unfinished reports. They had returned from lunch sharing a slightly calmer and more comfortable frame of mind, although both were aware that the deeper problem was merely shelved once again for the present. Blair was still upset and anxious that he had let Jim down and hurt his feelings yet again, and Jim was completely out of ideas as to how to regain the lost ground in their relationship. Other than forcing himself on Blair both physically and mentally during bonding, which would undoubtedly damage them both irreparably, he had no option but to be patient and wait for Blair to find enough confidence in both himself and in his Sentinel to open his mind freely once again. And then maybe take that final step and read Jim fully once and for all.

Superficially, nothing seemed amiss between them, and they interacted with their friends and colleagues as normal. Rhonda plied Blair with hot chocolate and cookies, and Megan regaled them both with a hilarious recounting of the visit she and Joel had just made to a property where a suspected smuggling operation of exotic large animals was being carried out. Acting on information received from a concerned neighbour, they had entered the property only to find that it was, in fact, a rather kinky brothel. The highly embarrassed ‘Madame’ was indeed dressed like a large feline, as were several of her girls, for the pleasure of clients who fancied themselves as either lion tamers or ‘big game hunters’ or some such. Not only that, but one of the red-faced ‘lion tamers’ turned out to be one of the Mayor’s most trusted aides. Although the Madame insisted that it was a licenced, private club, the licence had apparently lapsed, if it had ever existed at all, so Joel and Megan had had no option but to arrest those present on charges of soliciting prostitution.

Needless to say, booking had been an interesting experience for all concerned, and Joel and Megan hadn’t gotten over their amusement yet.

“I swear to God, mates, it’s true!” Megan chortled. “When Joel and I went into the back room, there was Councilman Mulrooney, large as life and wearing nothing but a leopard print thong, apparently trying - not very hard - to keep three of Madame Teresa’s biggest girls dressed as lions and tigers at bay! Even had the whip and chair!

“Anyway, it gets better! When he saw us, the daft drongo says, ‘Oh, officers! Thank god you’re here! I thought I was done for!’ It’s true, no word of a lie!”

By that point, she, Blair and Joel were propping each other up, tears of unrestrained mirth streaming down their faces as they clutched at ribs aching from laughter.

And Jim was glad to witness it, as he couldn’t remember the last time he had seen his Guide so unashamedly happy.

Eventually getting themselves back under control, Megan and Joel returned to their desks to write up their reports, and Blair put the finishing touches to the final piece of Jim’s outstanding paperwork. Jim was about to suggest that they ask if it was OK to leave, when the phone on his desk rang. It turned out to be Director Kingsley from the Sentinel / Guide Department, asking if Blair could spare an hour or so to meet up with a newly-online young Guide who needed some counselling and reassurance from the Alpha Guide.

Sending Jim an apologetic glance, Blair agreed and prepared to leave, after promising Jim that he wouldn’t be more than an hour at most at the Department.

“It’s OK, Chief. You do what you need to do and I’ll see you back at the loft, all right? It’s my turn to cook anyway, so I’ll see what I can come up with. Take care, babe,” and he pulled the smaller man into a warm hug before sending him on his way with a gentle push.

He watched with a sad smile as Blair left the bullpen, knowing that the young man really didn’t need the extra work today, but also that it wasn’t in his Guide’s nature to refuse. He would just have to make sure that Blair relaxed as much as possible once he returned home, and his smile broadened as he planned just how that could be accomplished.

Just as he began to tidy his desk in preparation for leaving, he was summoned to Simon Banks’ office. This time it was a gentler version of his captain’s usual peremptory command, which gave Jim pause as he raised a faintly quizzical brow.

“Jim, if you’ve a moment, I’d like to talk to you,” Simon called out, his tone much more moderate than expected.

“Sure, Captain. No problem,” Jim responded, and made his way over to the office, closing the door behind him.

“Take a seat, Jim. This is unofficial, just a chat between friends. Coffee?”

Slightly puzzled, and definitely curious, Jim nodded affably as he accepted a mug of Simon’s latest gourmet brew.

“Thanks, Simon. This smells good. What can I do for you?”

Settling himself behind his desk with his own mug, Simon looked somewhat uneasy as he gazed at his friend and subordinate.

“Look, Jim, I don’t mean to pry, and I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but how are things between you and Sandburg? I mean, I know you two are just as efficient and successful as ever in the field, and most folks would assume that all is well, but I think I know you better than that. And to be honest, I’m not the only one. Director Kingsley has voiced his concerns in my hearing, and I agree with him. There’s something not quite right with you two, and the other Sentinel and Guide pairs are worried about you both, particularly Blair, it must be said.

“Do you feel able to talk to me? Because you know I’ll do my best to help. I may not have been the best friend to Blair in the early days of your bonding, but I love that kid like another son now, and you’re still one of my best friends. Is there something I can do?”

Jim’s immediate reaction was to bridle in affronted indignation at his captain and friend’s temerity, but the next moment he forced himself to control his anger. He realised that Simon’s offer was genuine, and the man was only stating the obvious anyway. He therefore sat back with a deep sigh, then met Simon’s worried gaze with resignation.

“It’s OK, Simon,” he began with marked reluctance. “I realise you only want to help, but I’m not sure I can explain myself that well. Words are Blair’s thing, not mine. But I’ll try. God knows, I could do with some advice, and even if ultimately I don’t take it, I think I need someone to listen to me. Just so I can get things out in the open, you know? And that in itself may provide me with a few answers, huh?”

“I hope so, Jim, I surely do. And I’d be honoured to listen to anything you want to tell me.”

Jim was silent for a moment while he attempted to get his thoughts into some sort of coherent order, then, after another deep sigh, he spoke out.

“You’re right in that something’s not as it should be between me and Blair. It’s my fault, insofar as I’ve hurt him unintentionally not once but twice in the space of less than two years. Maybe if he hadn’t already been so fragile when we bonded, we could have gotten past our problems by now, but through no fault of his own, he’s more vulnerable than an Alpha Guide –; or even a normal grad student –; should ever be. He tries so hard to do what’s best for me, and I can’t fault his commitment, but he’s scared of so many things. Scared of failure, scared of letting me down, scared of his own power and his ability to control it, you name it, the list’s endless. And yet he’s no coward. Far from it. He fights his demons all the time, every day. He won’t give in, and the effort’s wearing him out.

“And because he’s also scared of what I still might do, he won’t let me help. And why shouldn’t he be scared? For God’s sake, first I push him into a glass-topped table so his hands were cut to pieces, and just when we were recovering from that, I go and fall for that Richardson bitch!

“I know –; you don’t have to tell me –; that the second time it wasn’t all my fault. But it happened anyway, and Blair was hurt again so badly by Alex Barnes. How can he trust me after that? A Sentinel is supposed to protect the Guide, and I did a piss-poor job of protecting mine!”

“Wait a minute, Jim,” Simon replied, a slightly puzzled frown creasing his brow. “What you say is true, to a certain extent, even though I personally think you’re taking on too much of the blame. But I thought that your bond meant that you could share each other’s thoughts and emotions, right? There’s a special link between you, yes? Now I’m sure you’re completely sincere, and I know you care deeply for Blair. As I also know he worships the ground that you walk on. I don’t need to be a Sentinel to see that.

“So why isn’t he convinced that you’re genuinely sorry and that you can be trusted not to hurt him again?”

“Well, there’s the problem, Simon,” Jim countered unhappily. “He won’t share his thoughts and emotions with me anymore. Not the ones that matter, anyway. He believes that it’s unfair for him to burden me with his own fears and troubles, and he’s too insecure to ‘read’ me fully, even at the height of bonding. To be honest, he’d never quite managed that before, but we were definitely getting to that point before I went and spoiled it. But until he does manage it, he’ll never know just how much he means to me. And I can’t think of any other way of getting through to him, so if there’s something you think might work, please feel free to tell me! The uncertainty is wearing us both down.”

“Hmmm, I didn’t realise it was that bad,” mused Simon, plainly troubled on Jim’s account. “As a mundane, I can’t begin to understand just how deeply you both must be affected by Blair’s on-going lack of self-confidence, but I can see that something needs to be done, and soon, before the kid goes into meltdown. And takes you with him, my friend! Has Blair talked it through with anyone, do you know? I mean, I know he’s expected to act as a counsellor for other Guides, but is there anyone out there who can counsel him?”

“I know he’s talked to Eli Stoddard about Sentinel and Guide matters in general terms, and he’s attended a few mandatory psych eval sessions when occasion demanded it, but knowing Blair, he won’t have wanted to bother his friends with his problems. Having said that, there was something that he tried to discuss with me recently. But as usual, I shut him down,” Jim added with a touch of bitter self-recrimination. “It just didn’t seem relevant at the time.”

“Well, maybe you can tell me, and I’ll give you my opinion,” Simon offered. “Can’t do any harm.”

“If you’re sure? Well, OK then. If I understood him correctly, Blair was telling me about a native Sentinel and Guide pair Eli was able to study while he was in Borneo. Eli was very excited, and told Blair that this pair was far more committed than any Westernised pair he’s ever seen, and that he believed there was some sort of ritual involved that made their bond even stronger. To be honest, I thought he was talking rubbish, and I guess I pretty much said so, but I could tell that Blair was disappointed in my response. He seemed to be quite taken with Eli’s theory.”

Simon considered Jim’s words for a few moments, trying to digest and make sense of what he’d just heard. Eventually, he met Jim’s inquisitive gaze again and spoke, voice and tone thoughtful.

“This ritual, Jim. What form did it take?”

“I don’t really know, Simon. I wasn’t really paying much attention. Didn’t involve public sex though,” he added with a wry grin. “Maybe some sort of exchange of vows in front of the tribe?”

“Bit like marriage then,” Simon responded, not altogether jokingly. Then, more seriously he continued, “Do you think that’s how Blair might view it, Jim? I mean, would he consider that type of ceremony an indication of permanence? A sort of added layer of security?

“It’s just a thought, because I have no idea of your domestic situation other than the fact that you’re bonded and you live together. How does that work, anyway? No need for graphic detail, but I’ve never really had reason to concern myself with the legal and practical issues surrounding a recognised bonded pair, except insofar as it might impinge on the running of the MCU.”

Jim stared at him, a perplexed frown between his brows. Simon’s words had certainly given him pause for thought, and he was suddenly aware that he’d never really given his and Blair’s domestic situation much consideration. Certainly not as much as he perhaps should have done. When he had rescued Blair from Galbini, in Jim’s mind there had been no question that the young man belonged with him, and he had acted accordingly. He had taken Blair home, cared for him, and bonded with him, with Blair’s full and free consent. He had arranged for his Guide to work alongside him in the PD, and also for him to return to Rainier as Eli’s Research Assistant, and the young man received a small stipend for both jobs which Jim insisted he kept for himself. Otherwise, he shared Jim’s home and his life as a matter of course, as far as Jim was concerned.

But maybe Jim should have put written instructions and guidelines in place to guarantee Blair’s legal rights. It hadn’t occurred to him that Blair might believe he was living on Jim’s charity, entirely dependent on his Sentinel’s goodwill, and that he would have no legal recompense should Jim either throw him out, or predecease him.

No wonder the young man had an underlying insecurity. He had never had anything or anyone to call his own until he met Jim, so how could he not secretly believe that it was too good to last?

Jim realised he needed to do something about that state of affairs and do it soon. And suddenly he knew just how to accomplish it.

Looking up at Simon’s faintly bemused expression, Jim felt a slow smile begin to creep across his face.

“You know what, Simon, you’ve given me plenty to think about, but I think I know how to proceed now. When you asked me about Blair and my living arrangements, it made me realise how much I had taken for granted. As far as I was concerned, he belonged with me, and was my responsibility. The only legal and binding bit of paperwork I bothered to acquire was the necessary documentation from the Sentinel / Guide Department recognising our official bond. It never occurred to me that Blair might need more than that.

“All his life he was never allowed to consider that he had any claim on anyone or anything. His hippy-dippy Mom made sure of that. And all this time he’s been devoting himself to me, in the back of his mind he must always have been waiting for the other shoe to drop. For me to get fed up with him and decide I wanted to break our bond. It makes no difference that in reality it couldn’t happen without one or both of us suffering agonies. In his head he knows that, but in his heart the fear of rejection has always existed.

“So I’m going to make everything legal. He’s already named in my Will as my heir, even if he doesn’t realise it, but I’m going to put his name on the lease for the loft. And combine our finances and all other resources so we’ll have equal access. I just can’t believe I didn’t think to do it before!”

Simon’s grin was broad as he nodded in enthusiastic agreement, but then widened even more as he said, “Why don’t you take it a step further, Jim? If you’re happy to make him an equal partner in everything, why don’t you just marry the guy? As a bonded pair you could have applied for special dispensation at any time, but now same sex marriage is accepted in the state anyway. Think that’d be enough security for him?”

And Jim’s grin matched his friend’s as he replied, “You’re right again, my friend! I wanted to do something special for the second anniversary of our bonding next month, and what better way to celebrate it but by marrying my Guide? Thanks, Simon. No wonder they pay you the big bucks!”

“Heh, heh, you’re welcome, Jim,” Simon chuckled smugly. “Now, get out of here. You’ve got plans to make!”

And with a cheerful salute and word of farewell, Jim left the office, eager to get back to the loft and start things moving.

*

Later that evening:

Blair burst breathlessly into the loft, his eyes wide with anxiety as words of abject apology tumbled from his lips. His scent was tainted with distress and misery as he turned to face Jim, only to be brought up short by the look on his Sentinel’s face. Rather than annoyance and the tight-lipped anger brought on by worry that Blair expected to see, Jim was smiling softly, and looking, well, almost mellow.

Crossing the floor to take the young man into his arms, Jim murmured, “It’s OK, Chief, calm down! I’m not mad at you. Director Kingsley rang to tell me that your meeting with the new Guide was likely to over-run, so I knew you were going to be later than expected. Take a breath and relax, babe.”

Sagging in relief, Blair did as he was told, his scent gradually regaining its normal enticing aroma. Snuggling his face against Jim’s neck and shoulder, he murmured, “Thank you, Jim. I needed this. I was so worried that you would be upset with me for being so late. I mean, I know why you would be. It’s because you care about what happens to me. But I hate to be the cause of anxiety for you. You have enough to worry about without me adding to it.”

“Shhh, babe, it’s OK. No need to apologise any more. I know you wouldn’t do it on purpose, just as I also know that your sense of duty wouldn’t allow you to cut short an important induction and instruction session. Let’s just say that, thanks to Adam Kingsley’s forethought, I knew what to expect.

“And now, I suggest you take a few minutes to freshen up and change into something more comfortable, then we can eat. I’ve done spaghetti and meatballs. OK for you?”

Face lighting up with a happy grin, Blair nodded enthusiastically. “Ooh yeah! I love your spaghetti sauce, Jim! I won’t be long!” and he almost flew across to the bathroom to do his lover’s bidding, mouth already watering at the thought of indulging in one of Jim’s signature dishes. The Sentinel might not cook that often, but when he did, it was good!

*

A couple of hours later, Jim and Blair were relaxing on the sofa in front of the TV. They had enjoyed a companionable dinner together, and once the clean-up was done, Jim had suggested they chill out by watching a couple of films they’d pre-recorded and not yet had the opportunity to view. Although Blair felt as if he ought to be doing something such as running through Eli’s next batch of notes, he was happy to agree to Jim’s suggestion anyway, knowing that it would please his lover. And truth be told the thought of just resting was very appealing, especially as it meant that they could both simply enjoy each other’s company.

And it truly was enjoyable, and something that Blair realised they hadn’t indulged in for far too long. He was guiltily aware that it was probably mostly down to him, since he seemed to be continually rushing from place to place of late, their only real ‘togetherness’ being when they were in bed, cuddled close in an exhausted tangle of limbs. But for now, here he was, lying on the sofa with his head resting on a pillow on Jim’s lap. Long, elegant fingers carded through his curls, and he felt as if he could purr in pleasure. He was barely aware of what was playing on the screen before him, being for once far too relaxed and content to just lie still and be pampered by his beloved Sentinel.

As for Jim, he was only too glad to have finally managed to pin his Guide down long enough for the young man to get some real relaxation. And it did him good also, being able to indulge his senses in his lover’s willing proximity. For instance, Blair’s hair was a delight as far as the Sentinel was concerned. It was down to Blair’s shoulders now after almost two years of growth. Although the young man had decided to grow it out originally because it would help cover the hated chain tattoo on his neck, he now kept it long because he knew that Jim liked it that way. He was much less concerned about the disfigurement now, covered as it usually was by the choker style pendant Jim had given him. And at times like these Jim truly appreciated the gesture. The long, shining curls were a feast for sentinel sight, consisting of myriad tones and highlights from dark brown to auburn to gold, while sentinel touch was more than satisfied by the silky feel of the individual tresses.

Hearing homed in on the rhythmic beating of his Guide’s heart, slow and steady as the young man rested, and his delicious scent was free from any taint of anxiety or stress. And Jim fully intended to indulge his sense of taste later that night.

After a while, Blair was so relaxed he felt as if his bones had turned to jello. He was warm, loved and cossetted, and he wanted to reciprocate. Turning his face up so he could see Jim’s reaction, he murmured, “Bond with me, Sentinel. Please?”

He was answered by a slow smile and an expression of pure love and pleasure in the ice-blue gaze that met his.

“Your wish is my command, my Guide,” came the heart-felt reply, and Blair shivered in eager anticipation as Jim helped him sit up and then took him in his arms. Nuzzling the soft skin behind Blair’s ear, Jim continued, “Come on, babe. How about you go on upstairs and I’ll join you as soon as I’ve locked up?”

And Jim was gratified to see the enthusiasm that greeted his suggestion as Blair slid off his lap and moved quickly towards the stairs, throwing Jim a ‘come hither’ look over his shoulder that made Jim chuckle in delight. The fact that Blair had instigated the upcoming bonding pleased him no end, and he chose to ignore the faint hint of uncertainty he had detected in Blair’s request. It was enough that the young man had had the courage to ask for what he needed, and Jim wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity to love his precious Guide to satiation.

After one of the quickest security checks ever, Jim hastened upstairs to find Blair already naked and in bed, just covered by a sheet. The expression on his Guide’s attractive features was both sultry and a touch nervous as he licked his lush lips with the tip of a pink tongue, and Jim’s arousal reached almost epic proportions. Stripping quickly, Jim moved to the bed, holding Blair’s blue gaze with an ardent one of his own. Reaching down, he carefully peeled back the sheet to reveal Blair’s beautiful body, yet again struck by the compact and perfectly proportioned frame which was his and his alone to enjoy. Blair was still slender –; more so than he should be through his frenetic lifestyle –; but it didn’t diminish his power to attract. Neither did the bondage scars which had mostly faded from normal sight, but which were still detectable by sentinel vision. Jim was well aware that the more recent scars on Blair’s back and buttocks from Alex Barnes’ whipping were much more visible, but he was careful to refrain from reacting negatively every time he saw them so as not to upset his already body-conscious young lover.

“Let me learn you, baby. I need to refresh my memory,” he growled, pleased with Blair’s willing compliance as he opened his senses and began to do just that. He mapped every delicious inch of the enticing body, touching, listening, sniffing and tasting and looking his fill until Blair writhed with lust.

He paid special attention to the cinnamon-coloured nipples and eager cock until Blair was pleading for release.

“Please, Jim, take me now! Please! I can’t wait any longer!”

Not about to deny the urgent request, Jim lifted the smaller man onto his lap in their position of choice, and Blair rode him to a breathtakingly explosive and satisfying mutual climax. The bond sang between them, and their commitment to one another was reaffirmed.

In the lazy aftermath, Jim smiled down at the tousled head resting beneath his chin, thinking about what he had learned during their joining. Blair had been much more open than of late, and had allowed Jim virtually full access to his innermost thoughts. Not that Jim had abused the privilege though. He had learned to recognise signs of diffidence and was careful to treat such areas with gentleness and respect.

On the other hand, Blair still held back from reading Jim fully, even though he had been a little more adventurous this time. But in one sense, it was no bad thing, Jim supposed, because, as with the surprise birthday party he had arranged for Blair the previous year, his plans for the wedding next month stayed secret.

*

Three weeks later:

MCU bullpen:

Jim leaned against Megan’s desk, arms folded and face creased in a frown of consternation. He had been congratulating himself on how his plans were coming together for the wedding the following week, but something Megan had just said had given him pause for thought. As Blair was at the U this morning, Jim had taken the opportunity to run through the arrangements he had made, mentally ticking them off as he went.

The actual venue was going to be the main hall in the Sentinel / Guide Department building. It was a well-appointed room which could be used as conference room, lecture theatre or dinner venue as required, and Jim had already booked it and decided on the layout for the ceremony. The ceremony itself was going to be conducted by Director Kingsley, since he was licensed to officiate at weddings. In Jim’s opinion he was the most appropriate choice, quite aside from the fact that the man declared himself to be honoured to have been approached. Like most people who had anything to do with Blair, he was extremely fond of the young empath, and the thought of joining his Alpha pair together in matrimony was a source of great pleasure and satisfaction.

With help from Megan and Rhonda, Jim had sourced caterers who would supply the wedding breakfast, and also a florist who, as an ex-student and friend of Blair’s, had been only too glad to prepare the flower arrangements and table decorations at cost.

All in all Jim had been smugly satisfied with everything thus far, until Megan had spoken to him just moments ago.

“Hey, Jimbo! You’re looking mighty pleased with yourself. I’m assuming it’s because your plans for next week are going smoothly?”

“Yeah, they are, thanks to you and everyone else I’ve approached. It’s been far simpler than I’d expected so far. Just hope I haven’t forgotten anything! I bought the rings yesterday and gave them to Simon for safe-keeping seeing as he and Daryl will be standing up for us.”

Jim’s grin was friendly as he replied, but the smile was wiped from his face when she regarded him speculatively for a second before continuing, her tone turning thoughtful.

“That’s great, mate, good on you. It certainly sounds as if you’ve got everything covered.

“But you know, I’m not sure you’re doing the right thing keeping Sandy in the dark. I mean, you know how much I love him. He’s my best mate, and I’m worried that he might over-react if he’s just presented with a wedding ceremony out of the blue! I mean, it’s a lot more to be faced with than the surprise party you threw for him, and that rocked his world right enough. It’s potentially life-changing for the both of you, so don’t you think he deserves a bit of advanced warning?”

Moving up to stand beside her, Joel added his own words of caution.

“I think Megs has a point, Jim. I mean, all of us want to see you two married and happy ever after, but we all know that Blair’s still shy and prone to suffer from anxiety attacks on occasion even if he tries so hard not to show it and let you down. Has he any idea at all of what you’re planning? I’d’ve thought that he might have detected something during bonding, but there’s no evidence of it as far as I can see.

“I’m sorry, Jim,” he added hurriedly as he saw the effects his words were having on his colleague. Taking in Jim’s lowering brows and darkening expression; he said contritely, “That was insensitive of me. I didn’t mean to pry into your private lives. It’s none of my business.”

In truth, Jim had been affronted by Joel’s comment, but almost immediately he told himself that the kindly man only had Blair’s –; and Jim’s –; well-being at heart. And he knew that Megan only meant well also, her propensity to act as Blair’s ‘big sister’ motivating her to interfere on his behalf whenever she thought it necessary. Neither of them deserved to fall foul of his instinctive desire to tell them both to shut up and keep their noses out of his affairs.

However, he wasn’t quite noble enough to just shrug off their words with a grin and a carefree ‘de nada’ either, and was aware that they were both worried that they’d hurt his feelings.

Well, let them! he thought ungraciously, even though he knew his reaction was rather puerile. Between them they’d managed to burst his bubble, and now he had to re-consider whether his plans and his motives for keeping the whole thing secret were indeed appropriate for the occasion.

Returning morosely to his desk, he sat down and pulled an open file towards him, although his mind was far away from the contents he was supposed to be perusing.

It was true that Blair still had no idea of the actual plans as he was still holding back from reading Jim fully during bonding. On the other hand, as a highly-rated empath, he had to know that there was something going on. There were plenty of people involved in the planning as well as those who would be attending as guests, so a certain amount of anticipatory eagerness and excitement was bound to leak out despite everyone’s best attempts at keeping the whole enterprise secret. It was only because Blair was too diffident to push into others’ minds uninvited that had ensured that the puzzling emotions he could feel circulating around him remained vague and insubstantial - rather like the calm before a storm.

Then again, although the young man continually assured Jim that he trusted him not to do anything that would deliberately hurt his Guide, Jim was uneasily aware that Blair would keep any suspicions to himself for fear of offending his Sentinel.

He was no nearer making a decision either way when he was distracted by the sounds of Blair’s arrival at the PD, so he squelched his disturbing thoughts in favour of simply enjoying the way his senses responded to his Guide’s presence. Right now he needed the grounding touch that only Blair could provide, and in a while he would take his Guide to lunch.

After that - with Simon’s blessing - he intended to take some personal time so that they could go clothes shopping, because Blair didn’t own a formal suit, and Jim knew just where to purchase one once he had persuaded Blair to agree. And that little exercise might just provide the opportunity Jim needed to prime Blair a little for the following week.

Yes, Jim could truthfully tell Blair that he had arranged a special occasion to mark the second anniversary of their bonding, and that he wanted them both to be able to dress appropriately. And if Blair assumed that it was some sort of slap-up meal, or perhaps a small get-together with their friends, then so be it. At least he wouldn’t be completely in the dark after all, and perhaps Megan’s fears wouldn’t be realised.

*

One week later, #307, 852 Prospect:

The day of Jim and Blair’s second anniversary had arrived, and thus far the cool October morning had remained clear and bright, an unexpected bonus as far as both men were concerned. They were enjoying a leisurely breakfast since Jim had taken the day off, and Blair had found himself unexpectedly free also. As he had explained to Jim the previous evening, Eli had made other arrangements for the day, so had told Blair to take some time for himself –; something that Blair had been only too glad to do in view of the special date.

“I’m not sure why Eli has been called away,” Blair had mused, smiling softly. “But it couldn’t have been better timing, could it? Do you think he arranged it that way so we could spend the day together? That would be so thoughtful of him.”

And Jim had nodded his agreement, knowing only too well that it was exactly what the older man had had in mind.

Wrapped comfortably in their warm robes, they faced each other across the breakfast table enjoying a meal of eggs and toast, and Jim felt a warm surge of love and gratitude as he studied the young man opposite.

Fetchingly tousled, Blair had the glow of a well-loved Guide, having been treated to a prolonged and thorough love-making and bonding session the previous evening. Jim had outdone himself as he mapped and touched his lover with exquisite care and gentleness, wanting to show Blair just how much he was loved, and also preparing his unsuspecting companion for the ceremony ahead.

And later, once he had recovered somewhat, Blair had reciprocated in kind, using all of his adoration and empathic ability to reduce his Sentinel to a thoroughly sated and boneless pile of goo.

Their actual bonding had been sweet and gentle, and even if Blair still hadn’t quite ‘read’ Jim fully, it was the best he had yet managed, and Jim was sure that a complete merge wasn’t far off. And if everything went to plan, all being well today might just see that miracle happen.

With breakfast over and clean-up done, they went hand in hand to the bathroom to take a shared shower. It was something they still did as often as possible, both enjoying the intimacy and comfort it provided, although it had to be said that lately they had had little opportunity to indulge in such luxury. Hectic timetables had encroached on their personal time, so they both intended to make the most of this occasion.

As Jim soaped up his partner’s slender body, he smiled down at the smaller man, nothing but affection in his eyes.

“You know, babe, we should do this more often!” he chuckled, pleased when Blair returned his smile.

“Yes, I know, Jim. And my New Year’s resolution is to make more time for you. As far as I’m concerned, today is the beginning of my year, not January 1^st, and I know I’ve been neglecting you lately.

“I didn’t mean to, but it’s time I did something about it,” and he blushed under Jim’s warm and appreciative regard.

“Then that makes two of us, babe. We’ve both been allowing our busy lives to get between us, so from now on we’ll make a concerted effort to have more ‘together’ time. I’m completely down with that!” and he leaned down and took his lover’s succulent mouth in a deep but gentle kiss.

*

A short while later both men were dressed and ready to go out for the day. Jim had told Blair that they would be having a late lunch –; which was true, after a fashion, if you counted the wedding breakfast as ‘lunch’ –; but had also said that director Kingsley wanted to see them at the Sentinel / Guide Department first. Also true, but not in the way Blair understood it.

In any case, Jim had suggested that they get fully ready so as not to waste any time coming back to the loft.

Having received Blair’s ready agreement, they had both donned their new clothes, and Jim had to admit that his Guide looked absolutely stunning. The suit he had been persuaded to let Jim buy for him was beautifully cut in a modern style, and was in a shade of dark blue. Underneath it he wore a sapphire blue collarless shirt and his choker pendent, which he would never willingly remove. The blues brought out the colour of his eyes, and he wore his hair loose in a halo of silken curls.

All in all, it was hard for Jim to keep from ravishing him there and then, so aroused was he at the sight.

On the other hand, Blair was just as appreciative of Jim’s attire. He had always loved to see his Sentinel in a suit and formal shirt and tie which was one reason why he secretly approved of court days when Jim had no option but to dress for the occasion. Jim might have considered it to be an imposition, but to Blair, as to most other observers, he never failed to look positively handsome and unconsciously elegant. This time his suit matched Blair’s in shade, if a little more formal in cut than Blair’s, and fitted his buff and impressive physique perfectly. His shirt was pale blue, and his tie a complementary darker blue silk.

Eyeing each other in mutual admiration, Jim finally murmured, “Come on, Chief. We’d best shake a leg if we’re going to meet up with Director Kingsley in time. Because if we don’t get moving now, I swear, baby, we won’t be going anywhere!” and he leered suggestively at his giggling Guide.

Grinning widely, Blair allowed Jim to usher him out of the loft, looking forward now to whatever Jim had arranged for them as he was certain that the lunch must be something very special indeed to warrant dressing up like this.

*

Sitting in the truck, Blair was almost bouncing in excitement, as he could easily feel similar emotions rolling off Jim in waves. It never occurred to him that the faintest hint of nervousness he could also discern was anything more than part of the same combination of exhilaration and anticipation that was gripping him, and was simply a normal reaction in advance of a shared special event.

If he had but known it, Jim was actually beginning to feel distinctly worried as the (hopefully) auspicious occasion loomed closer. Perhaps he had made a serious error of judgement in not proposing to Blair beforehand, and the upcoming ceremony was going to prove to be too much of a shock for his skittish young Guide to endure after all.

Whatever the case, it was too late now to back out, unless he was to turn the truck around and hightail it out of Cascade, and he really didn’t think that would do either of them any favours. He therefore smiled widely –; and hopefully convincingly –; at his bouncing partner, and pulled up outside the Sentinel / Guide Department building, mentally girding his loins for the upcoming scene.

As they entered the imposing building, the attractive young lady at the reception desk inclined her head politely as she offered a formal greeting.

“Alpha Sentinel Ellison, Alpha Guide Sandburg, welcome.”

Then, knowing that they both preferred a more informal approach, she added, “Jim, Blair, so good to see you. And may I say congratulations to you both. Please go right in. They’re all waiting for you.”

Blair did the slightest of double-takes, then, simply assuming that she knew about the significance of the date, offered her a friendly smile and a word of thanks.

However, he was immediately struck by a sudden increase in Jim’s unease, and his open smile became slightly strained and quizzical as he met Jim’s rather rueful gaze.

“What’s the matter, Jim? Is there something I should know?” he muttered worriedly, looking around him properly for the first time.

“Um…what’s with all the flowers, man? They’re beautiful! Is someone getting married here today?” Then, more assertively he added, “Why didn’t you tell me? Who is it? Who’re the lucky couple? Is it a new Sentinel and Guide pair? Are we going to watch?” and he started to bounce on the spot, eager to participate and offer his own congratulations.

“Calm down, babe,” murmured Jim, wrapping an arm around his Guide’s waist. “It’s OK, Chief, honestly. Let’s just go on in, all right?”

Blair sobered again, concerned about Jim’s suddenly worried demeanour. Perhaps it was someone his Sentinel didn’t approve of, and to whom he was wary of introducing his Guide.

Then they were at the open double doors, and Blair knew. He just knew the beautifully decorated roomful of guests was waiting for them. For Jim and Blair.

And he freaked.

“Ohmygod. Ohmygod! What is this? What’s going on?” and he started to hyper-ventilate and shudder in the first stages of an almighty panic attack, only to have his Sentinel quickly turn him around to face him.

Holding him firmly by the upper arms, Jim forced Blair’s round-eyed ‘deer-in-the-headlights’ stare to meet his own ardent gaze.

“Blair, baby, link with me and read me! It’s OK, lover. This is something we both need. I love you, my Guide, and I want to show the world how much you mean to me.”

His vehement words cut through the fog of terror, and Blair tried his best to take them in.

Then he heard Jim continue, his beloved voice compelling as he said, “Feel them, baby. Read them! All those people in there waiting for us. There’s nothing but love there, Blair. Love and approval for us both. Everyone in that room is rooting for us, Blair. You’re the empath, babe. Feel them and believe, my Guide, and believe in me too. You’re mine, babe, for ever. And I’m yours. And I want to prove it to you, once and for all.”

And Blair did read them. And felt nothing but happiness, eager anticipation and goodwill emanating from each and every one present.

And those emotions were magnified a hundredfold in his Sentinel, who was gazing at him fixedly with pure love and conviction glowing in his ice blue eyes.

Jim was right. This was their moment, and he wasn’t going to waste it.

Taking a deep, cleansing breath, Blair forced himself to calm down. And after a long moment, he shook himself briskly and answered, using every last ounce of fortitude and sheer bloody-minded effort to keep his voice as steady as possible.

“Yes, my Sentinel. I understand now, and I agree. I love you, Jim, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for this chance to prove it. It’s more than I ever expected, and I can’t begin to tell you how much I appreciate it.

“I’m ready now, Jim. Let’s do it!”

Unbelievably grateful for his Guide’s courage, Jim hugged the smaller man to him for a moment longer, then turned them both to face the open doors once again.

And this time they entered, walking slowly hand in hand as they approached the flower-covered dais where Adam Kingsley awaited them, flanked by Simon and his son Daryl who were acting as groomsmen for the occasion.

As they progressed down the aisle, Blair caught glimpses of more flowers and many smiling faces, most of whom he recognised, although it had to be said that he was more than a little distracted at the time and the gathering blurred into the background to a great extent. A proud and happy Eli Stoddard stood next to Janice, his secretary, and others from Rainier, including several of Blair’s students and many of the young man’s friends and colleagues. Major Crimes was represented by Rhonda, Megan, Joel, H and Rafe, and Blair could see a surprisingly large contingent from the rest of the PD, including their friend from Homicide, the gentle giant, Dan Brown.

There were also many representatives from the Sentinel / Guide Department itself, and many Sentinel and Guide pairs with whom Blair was already well acquainted, including those who also worked in other units within the PD, such as Sentinel Detective Mary Kelly and her Guide, Stewart Carlson; Sentinel Detective Mick Kavanagh and Guide Eddy Francis and Sentinel Detective Ralph Smithson and his wife and Guide, Stephanie.

Then they were standing in front of the beaming Director Kingsley, and Blair felt himself begin to tremble again until Jim’s warm hand squeezed his own smaller one supportively, and he calmed again, shooting his lover a grateful glance and immensely comforted by the affection and approval he saw in Jim’s eyes.

The ceremony itself was very straightforward, and conducted with tact and sympathy by Adam Kingsley. Relatively short, but tasteful in content, Blair repeated the requisite phrases almost on autopilot, so overwhelmed was he with the sense of occasion and his own burgeoning emotions. He knew that Jim was feeling much of the same, if to a rather lesser extent since he had known what to expect, but the love in Blair’s heart for the tall Sentinel at his side seemed to expand unbelievably even more until he felt that every atom of his being was suffused with pure, unadulterated adoration.

And then the moment came for the exchange of rings, and Simon and Daryl stepped forward proudly to do the honours.

As Jim slipped the simple gold band onto Blair’s finger, and Blair reciprocated - albeit with a slightly shaking hand - their audience erupted with a spontaneous burst of applause.

With eyes only for each other they leaned in to seal their vows with a kiss, and then something wonderful happened. As their lips touched, it seemed as if a current of pure energy arced between them, and they were instantly transported to a jungle clearing.

Thoroughly bewildered, Blair gazed around him, seeing that he was standing at the edge of the open space. Opposite him on the far side stood Jim, yet not Jim. This Jim was dressed as a warrior, tall and proud and every inch a tribal Sentinel. And Blair knew that this magnificent warrior –; this lover –; was his and his alone.

And for Jim the sight before him was equally amazing. Blair stood, gazing at him with a passion and desire that was almost hungry. A version of Blair unlike any other he had seen before. This Blair was dressed as a shaman, his body lean but strong. Unmarked save for painted tribal symbols, the long hair adorned with beads and feathers, this was Blair as he should be, and Jim revelled in the sight.

Suddenly everything changed again, and both men began to shimmer and drop down as they morphed into their animal spirits, Jim’s sleek black jaguar turning to look into the amazing blue eyes of Blair’s beautiful silver timber wolf.

And as one they began to run across the open space towards each other, leaping at the last moment to merge in a brilliant flash of light. And this time there was no holding back on either part. They knew each other as they always should have done; as they had in the past, and always would from now on.

Alpha Sentinel and Alpha Shaman Guide as one. Two halves of one soul forever.

Although there was little to indicate what was happening in the eyes of their onlookers, everyone present seemed to know that something momentous had just occurred. Mundanes and sensitives alike felt the brief surge of power and love between their friends, and were happy for them. Later some would recall seeing a glow surrounding the pair as they kissed, and knew they had witnessed something more than a simple wedding ceremony.

And as for Blair and Jim, as they broke their kiss and drew apart to look into each other’s eyes, both read the truth within, and basked in the sure knowledge that nothing and no one would ever part them again.

And for the first time in his life, Blair truly believed that at last all was as it should be.

THE END.

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The Complete Collection

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